


Something Tragic

by loveandleelin



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Book 1: King of Scars Spoilers, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 07:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18256739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveandleelin/pseuds/loveandleelin
Summary: They say putting distance between the heart and the heartache is good for the healing.Zoya wasn’t sure if that was true enough. She put distance, she put walls, she put claws and icy glares between the heartache of her past, and yet…a midnight walk between two scarred people, who dance around what really matters.





	Something Tragic

**Author's Note:**

> I devoured the Grishaverse books in a month and was left feeling an abundance of emotions. This is probably the first in a bunch of fics of the characters from the series. And definitely the first of zoyalai fics because those idiots have stolen my heart

There’s Something Tragic About You

Something So Magic About You

They say putting distance between the heart and the heartache is good for the healing.  
Zoya wasn’t sure if that was true enough. She put distance, she put walls, she put claws and icy glares between the heartache of her past, and yet…There were times when she closed her eyes and saw her aunt smiling at her under a star filled night, only for the darkness to swallow her up whole. And the darkness would form into a face she had watched burn, and the taunting voice would call her, warning her that everyone she loved would die in vein and she would live in the darkness, only with guilt and bloodshed to keep her company.  
In terror Zoya would wake and could feel the reverberating of her heart in her limbs, in each jagged moon scar of her back, and the faint sounds of great wings beating somewhere between waking and sleep. The time in the timeless Fold had changed things within her that she wasn’t fully prepared to look into.  
So she would work harder, she would stand straighter and she would add a dash more acid to her dealings with others. There was a war that needed evading and a wedding that needed planning. She ignored the voice that sounded infuriatingly like a cranky dragon saint, that would bemoan her actions and say that maybe she wasn’t the ruthless ruler he had hoped for.

_‘I am nothing for no one. I am a commander for Ravka. I am the Storm.’_

_‘You are a queen’_

_‘And you are dead.’_

It hurt, she wouldn’t lie… But she was fueled by a simmering power that laid within her, a power that would not be still as long as these threats loomed over king and country.  
As long as the Darkling had somehow stepped from nightmares to a walking terror, Zoya would be a blade.

  
It was a role, one that she wasn’t born to play, but life shoved her into it and her bones grew along the way. She wouldn’t waste time wondering what could have been, or what may come. She knew that there was only the moment and only Ravka and only Nikolai to worry about. She was done having the ghosts of others haunt her, having others foolish hearts or reckless greed direct her step. Zoya would walk the gardens, letting the wind blow over her silk kefta, feeling the season change coming in the air. Ever since the battle in the voided Fold, she would feel things too sharply, which was an irony not lost on her. So it wasn’t a surprise to hear footsteps coming softly behind her, even in the dead of night, she knew his presence like she knew the own rhythm of her breathing.

  
“A little late for a stroll is it not your highness?” she turned to him giving him a knowing smile. It always gave her a secret thrill to see his eyebrows raise slightly as he shook his head. She stored this feeling away like a secret she was unwilling to share with anyone else. She didn’t know how much longer anything would last and she would be dammed if she let any control slip.

 

“One day you will tell me how you know it’s me, Zoya” Nikolai looked slightly ruffled, and still dressed in the clothing from dinner earlier, and she worked to keep her hands at her sides and not to absentmindedly fix his jacket or hair. She felt too damn much.

 

“Ah, but then where would I get off having the upper hand on you?” her lip quirked slightly, the ever mask of control and power, as he came to stand next to her.

 

“Is it all a battle for you?” Nikolai asked in jest. But she looked at him and how he practically was glowing in the moonlight her witty retort died on the wind. If she looked at him too long sometimes all she wanted to do was touch him and then almost as soon as she thought that she saw him with the thorns piercing his heart and all joy was leached from her body.

“Of course,” she said haughtily “and it’s one I plan to win”

 

They walked in silence through the grounds, she knew the twins, and Genya were aware of their late-night walks. No one spoke of it in the light of day and she didn’t know whether to be offended or thankful. So she kept silent instead.

“Still can’t sleep?” He asked breaking the silence, looking into her eyes, like he was looking for a flash of something to return. She didn’t know how to feel about the fact that he could somehow see through most of her masks since returning. They had faced trials together again and again, and somehow, she felt as forged to him as the fetters that now encased her wrists. She thought of the pain it was to lose that feeling before, and she was wondering how it would feel to lose him to a new bride. He’s not mine to lose. She reminded herself harshly.

 

“If you’re somehow implying I look less than stellar, I’d have to ask if you’ve seen _your_ current state of affairs.”

They had things they would discuss on these moonlit walks and things they did not-

“Maybe I miss our late-night talks as you would make sure the monster stayed put” Like that.

 

“Ah, but soon you will have a new bride to bore to death with that task. And I will be able to sleep soundly knowing you are not my problem anymore.”

  
_Not mine_ **not mine _not mine_**

 

She didn’t need the heightened senses to feel her heart shattering once again.

**Author's Note:**

> ...to be continued?


End file.
